I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
