Your tits are I can't wait for
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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