so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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