i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
