ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
