Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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