Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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