bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
