oh god the rape fog is back!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
