once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
