In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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