I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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