Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
