Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
