so let's talk penis.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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