they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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