I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
