1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
