I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
