Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
