3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
