EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
