Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
