therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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