i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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