Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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