The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
