Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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