That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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