I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
