You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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