He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
