Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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