James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need a burrito and a hug.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
