The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
