Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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