Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
