The maid of honor just puked.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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