I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
