i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
