Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
