I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
