we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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