do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
