Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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