Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
