He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
These tits shall not be calmed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
