Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
