It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
