omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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