So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
