you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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