do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
