For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
