She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
